Gone Again
by Belle Vita
Summary: What if Aaron had ended up with Jack instead? Now a two-shot!
1. Chapter 1

Just a little one shot I thought of, kind of a reverse of what's going on on the show between Jack, Kate, and Aaron. It's a bit different from things I've written before, so of course I'd love to know what you think.

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Gone Again

Jack watched the sleeping boy turn fitfully, his leg wedged in between the couch cushions where he'd suddenly fallen asleep almost an hour before. Aaron was a few months past three years old, and Jack could hardly believe it. He couldn't believe how far they'd come, what they'd been through, but most of all, who wasn't there with them.

They'd been happy in the beginning- Jack, Aaron, and Kate. Almost like a family. He and Kate's relationship progressed steadily, until he was no longer surprised to wake up beside her every morning, but not any less amazed by her presence in his life, how she'd changed him.

"Shit," he mumbled, as he stepped on one of Aaron's plastic toys that was littering the living room carpet. He held the sleeping boy in his arms, steadying himself, not being able to shake the nagging thought that if Kate was here, she'd be scolding at him for using profanity in front of the child. And as Jack climbed the stairs slowly, he let out a sad smile, letting the soft smell of the boy in his arms comfort him.

Aaron remained asleep as he placed him gently in the bed, Jack breathing a sigh of relief when he didn't wake. The sheets on his small bed he'd recently graduated to were covered in stars and rocket ships. Kate had picked them out. This whole room reminded him of Kate- no, this whole _house_ reminded him of Kate. Sometimes it was a blessing, when he wanted nothing more than to take their relationship back in time and relive their best moments, and a curse when all he wanted to do was forget, to pretend that no such thing ever happened.

He stared at Aaron's sleeping, relaxed face, and wondered if he really knew what was going on. When Kate first left, he was constantly asking where she was, why she wasn't there to tuck him into bed, why Jack didn't slice his oranges the way she did, or decorate his pancakes with smiley faces. Jack had never known what exactly to say, how not to reveal his broken heart to a three year old, so he'd put on his best brave face and explained that she'd be back. But whether he told this lie for himself, or for Aaron, he wasn't quite sure.

When Kate first left, Jack wanted nothing more than for Aaron to forget about her existence, to forget the woman who raised him for a few years. Most of all, he wished that question that always managed to escape Aaron's lips, mostly in quiet, heart wrenching moments, would stop. "Where's momma Kate?" he'd ask, not realizing that when Jack's head bowed in front of him, he was hiding the tears forming in his eyes, the little boy not realizing that the man he looked up to, the man who he depended on for love and devotion, was wondering the exact same thing.

Three months ago was the last time he saw her. She'd stopped by the house late at night, when she could be sure Aaron would be asleep. She looked at him with weepy eyes, kissing the tears that were rolling down from his closed eyes and downward to his cheeks, then his lips, holding his hands, every part she could get a hold of, so tightly it actually swept through his mind that she wouldn't leave again.

She'd wanted him, _needed _him so badly that they made love right there in the living room, grasping, reaching for each other, breathing the other in, because they knew then, more than ever, that it could be their last chance. Kate worked her head into the crook of his neck and she breathed him in, biting, suckling, kissing the flesh there and then finally his mouth, pulling away and clutching his head to her chest when she reached her peak, like she always did when she was with _him_.

"I'm sorry," she had breathed after he came inside her, kissing his jaw squarely, breathing hard, their bodies pressed together. It was enough to make him pull away from her, enough to make him regret what had just happened. Before he could stop her, she dressed and walked quickly up the stairs, wedging the bedroom door open, staring at her sleeping son. He watched her open the door a little wider, like she was daring herself to go in, but she couldn't, the tears streaming down her face. Then she left, giving Jack and Aaron one last glance. "I'll be back, I promise," she whispered, closing the door tightly behind her.

He hadn't bothered to go after her.

Jack shook the memory and stood straight from his place by the window where he'd been leaning. Checking one more time that Aaron was asleep for good, he took the stairs down slowly, reaching the kitchen and mixing himself a late night drink. Just to relax, he told himself. He sat in the small leather chair for a few minutes, then found himself reaching under the coffee table, feeling the small squares of paper that were taped underneath.

No, he told himself. Don't do it. You promised yourself. Instead of listening to the conscience that had helped him through so much of this, he pulled the pictures and found they came down more easily than they used to. He'd looked at them too much, practically worn the adhesive off the tape. The day they wouldn't stick back up, he'd told himself, would be the day he'd have to forget about her. He wasn't sure that he could do that tonight.

He shuffled through the five or six pictures he'd stowed away, finding his favorite, a private moment his mother had managed to capture one afternoon when she was over lunching with them. It was springtime and they were lying together in the hammock in the backyard, Kate's body draped across his on her stomach, her head raised and smiling at him. It was so them. How they used to be.

Jack glanced absently at the vivid photos, the images quickly turning from stills to real moving memories, real life. He sighed and stirred his drink, shuffled the pictures back together and palmed them underneath the coffee table once again. When he removed his hand, he heard the stack drop to the carpet softly. Dropping his forehead into his hand, he rubbed the tense skin and muscle there. Like it would change anything, he thought sarcastically. He couldn't, _wouldn't _forget about her- ever, and Aaron was a constant reminder.

"Daddy?" he suddenly heard, and jumped from his chair, the little boy frightening him. Clinging a small stuffed dinosaur, Aaron stood before him, his hair tussled from sleep.

Jack set his drink down behind the large picture frame on the table beside his chair, hiding it from the small child. "What's wrong, little man?" he asked him in the most comforting voice he could muster. "Can't sleep?" Aaron nodded at him, rubbing his eyes. Jack pulled him onto his lap and relaxed into the back of the chair, the tired boy resting easily against his chest.

They sat together silently, Jack getting the feeling that he'd been a bit distant with the boy lately and he probably just missed him. "Want me to read you a story?" he asked him after a few minutes, after he'd heard Aaron's breathing slow a bit in drowsiness.

Aaron shook his head against his chest. "No story."

"Okay," Jack agreed, rubbing his hands up and down Aaron's arms soothingly.

"I miss mommy," he said suddenly, his eyes welling up with tears. He wasn't asking for an explanation, so Jack didn't offer one.

"Yeah, me too buddy."

"I can't wait til she comes back," he said in his quiet, _innocent _voice.

Jack's stomach tightened at the words. Maybe if Aaron had faith that Kate would come back, he should too. Maybe they should believe together. "Me either."

Drifting in and out of sleep, Jack thought he heard the door open and then shut quickly, quietly. He held the now sleeping Aaron against his chest and turned his head.

It was her. Of course it was. Just when he'd decided _now _was the time he'd really try to move on, that this time he actually _could. _She always had that kind of timing.

"Hi," she said hesitantly, inching toward the living room, her face dropping when she saw Aaron perched against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around Jack's neck. "Oh," she whispered, pressing her fingertips against her lips and her face straining with emotion. "Oh," she repeated.

Jack didn't know what to say after three months, after how it had ended last time. "What... why are you here?" he finally asked her, harshly but quietly, rising from the chair and carrying Aaron up the stairs. He noticed her following him.

Jack shot her a look. "Don't," he warned. "Stay here." He waited until Aaron was settled in his bed and his door was shut to clench his fists and hold back from yelling out in frustration. Why now? He knew she wouldn't be back for good.

She was still leaning against the wall on the landing, her arms folded against her chest, when he made his way back downstairs.

"Jack," she whispered, crushing her body into his, and as much as he wanted to be able to resist, he wrapped his arms tightly around her back and leaned his chin on her shoulder. "I just... I couldn't stay away any longer," she choked out. "I miss you guys so much."

He let her loose from his arms and surveyed her- her unsure eyes, her defeated stance. "Where's your stuff, Kate? Are you back for good?" His tone was sarcastic and a little mean spirited.

He knew the moment he asked- hell, probably even before, what her answer would be.

"Jack- you know- you know that I can't," she whispered to him, cupping his chin.

Flinching angrily under her touch, he backed away. "Then what the hell are you doing here? Are you actually _trying _to make this harder?"

Kate shook her head soundly, biting her bottom lip. "No," she choked out again. "I just wanted to see you. I wanted to see him."

"Well," Jack started angrily, holding his arms wide open, "You saw us, okay? You got what you wanted, just like you always do."

She moved toward him, backing him into the wall and pushed herself against his body, palms resting flat on his chest, then squeezed her eyes tightly shut once she felt Jack still against her. "You know I don't want it like this."

"Then fix it," he pleaded, pulling her hips towards him. "Fix it," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

Kate swallowed thickly, Jack's breath mingling with hers beginning to affect her. "He looks good, Jack."

"He misses you. Asks about you all the time."

Darting her tongue out to lick her dry lips, Kate placed a chaste kiss just below his stubbly cheek. "What do you tell him?" She couldn't get close enough to him, burying her face into his neck, kissing him there, relieved that he let her.

"That you'll be back." His breath comes out in shallow spurts, like he can't get enough of her, like his hope is the only thing holding him up. "You'll be back," he told her, cupping the sides of her face.

Her lips inch toward his, until he can no longer hold back, pressing his against hers, almost roughly, demanding answers from her that she couldn't give. Kate kissed him back, feeling their slight tears mix together and on their lips, the first thing they'd done together in nearly three months. She opened her mouth against his, taking air from his own mouth into hers, sucking his bottom lip, feeling Jack's breath hitch inwards. The stubble on his face scratched against hers and she dragged her fingernails down the rough hair, nipping at his lips softly, afraid that when she pulled away it might be for good.

Jack's eyes remained closed, still backed up against the wall. He knew what was coming.

Her breath hitched in and then she spoke, those final words, until next time.

"I'll come back, I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

Based on numerous requests I decided to make what I originally planned as a one-shot a two-shot. Forgive me if I've made Aaron's vocabulary incredible for a three year old! Reviews are appreciated!

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2

He stared at the picture again and tried- so desperately, to remember if he was really as happy with her as he looked. That smile on his face- was it genuine? He had never, not once during the time they were together, wondered whether Kate's was. But now?

Every minute of the day.

After all, she had just up and left. He and Aaron could not have meant that much to her if it was that easy to walk away from.

Jack sighed and sank back into soft chair. The salesman had promised him it would send him right off to sleep. He was wrong, but he could not have known just who he was dealing with.

Aaron was in bed like he always was at this time, and Jack was stirring his fourth drink of the night just the same. He wished he was not this pathetic mess, and he turned to resenting Kate, blaming her for the person he turned into. The last time he saw her- was it really two months ago? He could replay the scene in his mind like it just happened. He held onto it with everything he had. She was too hard to forget, and he had tried.

Just how had he ended up like this? Not more than two years ago, he remembered being so distraught over the news he was Aaron's uncle that he had barely been able to look at the child without thinking about what they had done and everyone they had left behind. And now, he was as good as his father.

If he was not careful, Jack remembered telling himself shortly after Kate first left, he would turn into his own father- an overbearing drunk. Another surge of bitter liquid burned down his throat, and he choked back a cynical laugh. He was at least half way there.

Sometimes he woke up, still surprised to feel the empty sheets beside him, instead of waking up to her soft curves, her creamy skin, the nape of her neck. Aaron still expected it sometimes too, and Jack had run out of things to tell the curious boy quite a while ago. But the questions came less and less frequently as time passed, and Jack had thought it would make him feel better, but it had done just the opposite. If the boy could forget her then why was she always on his own mind?

Because right when she did not invade every thought, she would show up again. He wanted to, but he could not say he hated it. If she wanted to come back to them, to return to their lives, there was no doubt in his mind that he would welcome her with open arms, that he would try as hard as possible to get over it. And so would Aaron. After all, he had been told so many times that Kate was coming back that he would not have much problem believing it. Jack was going to forgive and forget, and he supposed he was stupid enough to believe she would even come back in the first place.

She picked the back door this time, knowing that Jack would see her from the living room. Her shadow fell over the carpet and he saw it through the haze of his drink.

If this were a movie, he thought, he would have dropped the glass from his hand dramatically onto the carpet and run straight for the door. Instead, he sat, not daring to look up. Not daring to get his hopes up, until the loud rap on the glass door forced him to. Despite his longing for her, how he physically ached sometimes when he thought about her, and how this would surely relieve it until the next time, Jack almost did not want it to be true.

Was there such a thing as saying goodbye one too many times?

"Hi," she said meekly to him when he slid the glass door open.

What was he supposed to say? He had no idea how she spent her days, but every time she came back to them she looked like the same old Kate. He was bitter at the fact that it looked as if she was living so well.

"Hi," he offered, taking a step back so she could enter. All of the resentment had washed away. She always had effected him differently than other women.

Kate held his gaze for a long moment, until his eyes softened and his arms were wrapped around her.

She breathed him in, holding back the tears that so desperately wanted to present themselves. Why had she come back again?

He knew that when she pressed her lips against his, in the same intoxicating way as she always did, that he was a goner. So he kissed her like he had not seen her in months and as if he may not ever see her again- he was not sure which was worse.

Jack drew a sharp breath in when her hands fumbled under his shirt and to the warm skin of his back, then lowering and pulling the hem of his shirt up and over his head. He was not entirely sure why he let this happen every time. He knew he would have a temporary high from having her back, and then tomorrow, withdrawal would set in again. It always did. But the feeling was too good to pass up.

"I don't know why you keep coming back," Jack confessed in his labored breath, even though he knew he could ruin the moment.

"Because I have to," she started, kissing him again and resting her forehead against his. "Because I love you. And Aaron."

Then why would you leave in the first place? he wanted to ask. But he had done that before, repeatedly, and every time she gave him the same explanation- none.

It baffled him that he could have ever fallen in love with such a person as Kate. He was responsible, dependable, structure- or at least he used to be. And she was just the opposite. Maybe he should have seen it coming.

She pulled away from him. "Drinking again?" she tried to ask casually, perched on his chest, looking into his watery eyes. Nevermind the empty glass she had seen on the side table. She knew his history. "With Aaron-?"

"Please," he sputtered. "I don't need _you_, of all people, telling me how to act around Aaron. You can't tell me how to deal with this, Kate. Not when you haven't been here," he said, ending more angrily than he had planned. But how dare she?

"Jack. I'm just worried about Aaron. And about you," she said in a reasonable tone, soft even, pulling his hands to hers. "I just want things to be okay."

"And how do you expect that to happen when you keep coming back like this? You can't expect me to move on when you keep coming back, when you keep reminding me every fucking time of when I was actually _happy_, Kate. So you can't 'want things to be okay', okay?"

Kate nodded sadly, regretfully? "I know. It's just... I came back for a reason, okay? You have to know that."

Maybe there was a reason she had come back again, but he would have preferred to know why the hell she had left in the first place.

He could not let her pull him back in yet again. "Unless you're back for good, I don't want to hear it. So don't waste your breath, okay?"

"I just... Oh God, I don't know how to say this. This is a big deal," she pleaded, then pulled his hands to her body, guiding his palms from her ribs and then down, feeling him tense when he felt the slight curve of her developing stomach. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, even though she had imagined over and over again what his reaction might be when he found out.

"You're-?"

"Yeah," she agreed, smiling even through all the complications of their situation, even though she had no idea what she had come here to do.

Suddenly he felt overwhelmed. When had his life become such a soap opera? And a rush of panic coursed through him. What if-?

"Is it...?" he hesitated, not daring to ask... mine?

Her eyes gave away her surprise at such a question. "Of course," she nodded. "There... hasn't been anyone else, Jack."

"How far along?"

"About four months," she explained, seeing the look of realization in his eyes.

"The night you came back for the first time?"

Kate nodded, grabbing his hands, thankful that he had not yet let go. It was a good sign.

He stared at her as though he had never seen a pregnant woman before. But this was different- that baby inside... was _his _baby. It meant so much more.

She could not keep leaving like this, for months at a time and coming back when it was convenient for her. Before the news, Jack thought Kate's selfishness was only affecting him and Aaron, but how many people was she willing to add?

"So what... uh, what are you going to do?" he asked as evenly as possible, even though his insides were screaming 'Stay with me!'.

Kate stared into his chest. "I'm not sure," she paused, waiting for him to jump in. She was sure he would give her a stern lecture. She waited, but it never came. "But I know I can't keep doing this," she said a short while later, her fingers stroking the back of his neck, the soft hairs playing between her fingers.

He pulled back to look at her, the green eyes he had come to love more full of life than he had seen in a long time. "So don't," he said.

It was the most sensible thing he had said all night.

"But Aaron..."

"He wants you back, Kate. He's starting to... not ask as much and it breaks my heart. Even more if it's possible."

She took a step back, the comment feeling like a slap in the face. "So he's forgetting about me, then?"

"No, no. I've just never been able to tell him why you're gone and so he's stopped asking as much. _I _don't even know why you're doing this, how am I supposed to explain it to a three year old?"

The pain in his eyes was obvious to her. She had blacked it out of her dreams for so long, along with his face, and his touch. But she knew it would haunt her for the rest of her life- the things that she did, the people she left.

"I can't do this," she said suddenly. "I can't."

"Don't do this," Jack begged, pulling her back and following her curiously up the stairs. She stopped in the doorway and watched Aaron sleep with soft eyes. He looked good. She jumped when he shifted in his sleep, rolling over onto his stomach and letting go of a tired sigh.

Jack woke the sleeping boy, pulling him up from the small bed and walking towards Kate before she had the chance to walk away. Aaron rubbed his eyes, a look of surprise jumping to them, then, content that she was really there, a smile.

"Mommy," he said happily, and it tore at Kate's heart. She did not resist when his arms opened slightly. She had imagined him in her arms, ruffling his hair, the smell that came from his skin. And the man holding him.

She clung to the two of them, Aaron sandwiched between she and Jack. At the moment, she could not remember why she ever left. This did not feel too overwhelming. It felt perfect. Maybe she did not deserve perfect, she thought, but Aaron did not deserve growing up without a mother, and Jack did not deserve to be miserable.

Aaron pushed her away and gasped dramatically for a breath, forcing a small chuckle out of his father. Jack set the boy down and Aaron dropped to the floor, rolling his toy truck across the plush carpet. Then he stared up at her curiously.

"I thought you were on vacation?" he asked pointedly, switching the truck for a plastic dinosaur, stomping it all across the floor.

Is that what Jack had been telling the young boy?

Forcing out a smile through her threatening tears, she thought, 'Look at him. He's thriving. Why would he need me?'

"I was," she lied.

"Where'd you go?" Aaron asked in a high pitched voice, now perched on his knees and walking the T-Rex over Jack's legs.

"Someplace special," Kate winked, though she was not sure what else to say.

He eyed her again. "They musta had good food. Your stomach is fat."

Jack tried to bite back a laugh but could not. The sound was joy to her ears.

"It's not from food," she explained softly. "It's a baby."

Glancing quickly at Jack, she noted he was beginning to look more and more like _Jack. _More like the man she had met on the island. Strong, stubborn, but the most loving person she had ever known.

"Woah! How'd that get in there?" Aaron's eyes widened and he touched her stomach with no hesitation, like only a child could do.

Kate looked at Jack for help. Surely they should not get into _that _talk now? Not yet!

"Another day, little man," Jack warned. "You need to get back to sleep, buddy. You have preschool in the morning."

Kate watched as Aaron disagreed, zooming around the dimly lit room with his dinosaur. She could see him becoming as stubborn as she and Jack put together. She watched Jack scoop the boy up with ease, then lift up his shirt, blowing onto the skin there. Aaron whooped with laughter. He settled onto the bed after requesting one last raspberry.

"Mommy?" he asked, snapping her from her trance.

In acknowledgment, she raised her eyebrows.

"Don't go on vacation again without me, okay? Cause dad said we could go to Disneyland soon and you have to come with us. I'm gonna ride every ride!" he exclaimed excitedly.

Kate could feel Jack's eyes on her. He _knew _that she could not lie to Aaron. She never had. Jack came up next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, reminding her that she never should have left his side to begin with. He looked at her, like he was willing her to say something. What he wanted her to say.

There was no reason for her to be on her own, missing Aaron, Jack, already starting their baby' life on the wrong path. Their son or daughter needed a home, and a father, and a brother... And Kate needed a home, and a father for the baby, and a son, and the man standing right beside her. She needed it all and it was right in front of her. Everything most people wanted in life and she had run away from it instead of toward it?

So she sat on the edge of the bed, fingering the sheets she remembered picking out. She tossled his light hair and placed a kiss on his head, laughing as he put on a face of mock disgust. He was already such a _boy_! So much like Jack.

There was no way she would look into his eyes and say she would not leave again. Not unless she meant it. She could still remember when she a young girl, her father looking into her eyes and telling her he hated her.

She believed it. And still did.

Jack rubbed his hair with a free hand, a nervous habit, the other propped on his hip. What if this all backfired? Then he would have a troubled three year old to add to his list of problems.

"No, buddy, I'm not leaving again," she said to him. Promised.

Kate smiled at her son and watched him return it.

"Really?"

"Not unless it's to Disneyland."


End file.
